However, you’d be surprised to discover that many individuals experience a fear of success rather than failure.

Here’s one reason you may experience a fear of success: you work hard to achieve a certain goal—it can take you days, months, or even years, and even if you manage to get to your goal, it doesn’t end there. New possibilities present themselves, as well as choices you need to make, expectations from yourself and others, and increased pressure.

Success is also not as common as failure, so people may see it as an isolating experience. 

The fear of success is very real and can be overwhelming for the person going through it.

In this article, you will learn:

• What the fear of success is.
• Why we fear success.
• How it can affect your life.
• How to overcome the fear of success.

What Is the Fear of Success?

The fear of success (also known as “achievemephobia”) is when you self-sabotage your chances of succeeding. For example, some of us are afraid of success because we fear the changes it brings.

The logic is this: humans are creatures of habit and prefer to live by routine. Sure, it’s okay to not plan everything on some days, but on the whole, we naturally gravitate toward a system or some sort of pattern. Therefore, we tend to dislike random and unsystematic days as they can cause us to be unproductive and put us under pressure. 

The same is true when it comes to achieving our personal goals. Although we rationally know that success is a good thing and we would like to succeed in our lives, unknowingly, we often oppose the changes that success introduces to our current routine and lifestyle. 

Marisa Peer, a multi-award-winning therapist and best-selling author, has worked with clients all around the world for over 30 years. She says, “Your mind is hardwired to resist what is unfamiliar and to return to what is familiar.” This can mean that as you move closer to achieving your personal goals, such as getting a senior position at work, losing weight, or graduating from college, you may find yourself beginning to fear the outcomes of succeeding in these goals.

For example:

Getting a senior position at work: This means you’ll be responsible for people working under you. This can feel like a major responsibility as many will be reporting to and counting on you, and you may not be mentally ready for that.

Losing weight: Say you have a goal to lose 20 pounds, and to achieve that, you have to maintain a strict diet and exercise a lot more than usual. This can bring changes to your routine. These changes can be discouraging, and so you’re inclined to backslide and return to your old eating habits.

Graduating from college: Getting your degree comes with a lot of stakes and expectations—you’re expected to either study further or get a job and be “responsible.” This will also mean that you have to forgo your old routine and adopt a new one, which can be overwhelming, especially if it was a major change. 

If you can relate to some of the examples above, there’s a high chance you may be afraid of success.

Remember, as humans, we are creatures of routine, and psychologically, we prefer staying in our comfort zones (what we already know)—even if it isn’t good for us. Therefore, we perceive any change as inherently bad.

However, change can often lead to growth, and although it may be overwhelming, it is very necessary. 

So if you want to grow, whether in your career or personal life, or you’d like to shed any limiting beliefs like your fear of success, you must learn how to embrace change.

How To Identify the Fear of Success?

The fear of success is not always easy to identify as it can manifest in both subtle and obvious ways.

However, there are signs that you can look for on your path to overcoming the fear of success.

Fear of success symptoms and signs:

• Fear of the social and emotional isolation that success might bring. 
• Fearing negative feedback, assuming people might perceive you in a negative light. 
• Being afraid of the spotlight and attention.
• Apprehension about moving forward in your success and leaving friends and family behind.
• Anxiety about the responsibilities brought on by success.
• Believing that success will change you for the worse.
• Thinking that your success will be unsustainable and short-lived.

These symptoms can also manifest in your character and make you prone to unhealthy self-sabotaging behaviors that prevent you from succeeding.

Some self-handicapping behaviors exhibited by people with the fear of success include procrastination, perfectionism, and giving up easily.

Let’s take a look at each of these characteristics a little deeper.

Procrastination

Procrastination has often been linked to “achievemephobia,” also referred to as the fear of winning. People who are afraid of success tend to deliberately postpone tasks until the last moment, hindering their chances of succeeding.

All of us have engaged in harmless procrastination. It’s quite common to put off tasks like writing an essay or studying for a test. However, it can be destructive for you to put off working on your emotions.

If you have a fear of success, there’s a high chance that you are refusing to acknowledge and confront your feelings and emotions. When you bottle up your emotions, they start to weigh you down and can lead to outbursts of anger or sadness. This could have a lasting impact on your mental wellbeing and can impair your ability to succeed.

According to world-renowned therapist and founder of Rapid Transformation Therapy® (RTT®) Marisa Peer, what lies beneath procrastination is the fear of not being good enough—Marisa often refers to it as the most common fear in the world.

Marisa says, “It’s important to recognize that the mind does what it’s told, it is wired to protect us from situations that bring us fear.”

In the case of having a fear of success, our minds believe that achieving our goal would bring about change. Since our minds are averse to change, they will do whatever they can to prevent that change from occurring by engaging in other tasks.

There’s a very simple system that Marisa has devised to stop procrastination. She refers to it as, “Lie, cheat, and steal.” 

Say you have to prepare for a test, but you keep putting it off…

So you lie to your mind and tell yourself that you have chosen to study for the test. 

You cheat fear and procrastination by actually studying.

And you steal back the confidence that you were born with by performing well.

Perfectionism

Perfectionists tend to set extremely high standards and expectations for themselves, to the point where achieving those expectations can be unattainable. 

For instance, you might have a project due in a week, and you want to do your best and get an A, so you continue to work on your project until you make everything perfect—but your idea of what’s perfect is so unrealistic that it’s impossible for you to achieve it.

Therefore, you may end up turning in the project after the due date, or even turning in an incomplete project, ultimately sabotaging your chances at success.

Quitting easily

People with a fear of success are afraid of facing the consequences that can come from achieving it. They assume that upon succeeding, their achievements will only bring emptiness and negative change to their life, and, therefore, they give up right at the brink of their success.

You might perceive that your future will be negative, assuming that your success will be short-lived. Therefore, you quit right before achieving your goals to protect yourself from the negativity. 

Identifying the fear of success is a long process, each symptom and behavioral pattern needs to be analyzed over a period of time. However, knowing the causes of fear of success will aid in your journey to overcoming it.

What Causes Fear of Success?

There are several causes behind the fear of success. Some of them include:

Imposter syndrome

Imposter syndrome is an internal experience where even though you have succeeded in accomplishing your goals, you feel that you are not good enough.

You might begin to feel like a failure or a fraud. You feel undeserving of your achievements and may also believe that success will invite increased societal expectations and pressure, leading to other people finding out that you were never good enough in the first place. 

Childhood trauma

Deep-rooted fears such as “achievemephobia” usually manifest due to negative experiences from childhood. 

For example, if you were bullied for getting good grades in school, you are more likely to grow up associating the feeling of success with the negative experience.

Mental health conditions

Although there is no specific mental health condition that is associated with the fear of success, pre-existing conditions, such as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), can also intensify such fears. 

The fear of success is also very common in people with low self-esteem and self-confidence. 

Learning to believe in yourself can go a long way. Celebrity therapist Marisa Peer has devised a program to help you overcome anxiety and permanently eradicate all of its symptoms.

Fear of backlash

Also known as “backlash avoidance,” this is when an individual turns down opportunities due to fears of societal repercussions. 

They fear that other people believe they are undeserving of success. We can observe this in women who adhere to the traditional gender norms by steering clear of self-promotion. It’s also possible that avoiding self-promoting behavior is linked to equating achievement with unfavorable outcomes.

How Can Fear of Success Affect Your Life?

The fear of success, if left unaddressed, can have a severe negative impact on your life. It can reduce your self-esteem and lower your overall life satisfaction, among other things. Learn more about the different ways it can affect your life.

Reduces self-esteem

If you feel undeserving of success, you likely have low-self esteem. As a result, you often fail to associate your achievement with your talent, skill, and efforts. 

There is a solution to overcome this feeling of worthlessness. As Marisa Peer says, “The most effective way to boost self-esteem is to praise yourself.” 

Marisa has also developed a cutting-edge and award-winning program called I Am Enough, which builds your self-esteem.

Difficulty achieving goals

People with “achievemephobia” find it challenging to maintain behaviors that increase productivity as they lack motivation. 

If you are feeling like you’re having difficulty achieving your goals, it’s okay. Just know that this state of mind is not permanent, and you have the power to change how you feel. 

“The most powerful potential on the planet comes from your mind.”—Marisa Peer 

Lowers life-satisfaction 

There’s a negative correlation between fear of success and overall life satisfaction. Areas of life satisfaction may include work, family, money, health, leisure, and the surrounding environment. All these things can be areas of growth. 

If you fear success, you may lack an inner drive and ambition to want to make a better life for yourself, lowering your life satisfaction. 

When your life satisfaction is quite low, no matter how much effort you put into creating a better surrounding environment—wealth, family, work—it will always feel unsatisfactory, and it will eventually kill any ounce of motivation you may have had and will hinder your potential to succeed.

How To Overcome the Fear of Success

We’ve explained the fear of success and the different ways it can manifest. 

Even though this “fear of winning” can implicitly show itself in your character, it’s important that you don’t let your fears define you and you have the confidence that you can overcome anything you put your mind to.

“In order to overcome your resistance to change, you’ve got to make the familiar unfamiliar and the unfamiliar familiar.”—Marisa Peer

There are some simple strategies that Marisa Peer, through her three decades’ worth of experience, has discovered and taught her clients in order for them to overcome the fear of success.

Acknowledge the emotion

The first step in overcoming a fear of success is acknowledging the fear itself. Therefore, you will need to validate the existence of the fear and also understand its origins. 

Take some personal time off to contemplate and trace your past experiences with success, how you reacted to it, and what caused your reaction. This can help you get some insight into why you have been potentially sabotaging your path to success.

Develop a positive mindset 

Developing a positive mental attitude is essential to overcome the fear of success. 

As acclaimed speaker and therapist Marisa Peer says, “Your every thought and word form a blueprint that your mind and body work to make your reality.”

If you find yourself having too many negative thoughts, just write them all down on a piece of paper. Identify the negative thought and replace it with a positive word.

For instance, you can replace thoughts like, “I CANNOT do this,” and, “I am INCAPABLE of this,” with, “I CAN do this,” and, “I AM CAPABLE of doing anything I want to do.”

Manage stress and anxiety

Often, one of the common causes for most fears—be it the fear of love, fear of rejection, or fear of failure—stems from stress and anxiety.

The same is also true for fear of success. Therefore, it is imperative to adopt lifestyle strategies that reduce the impacts of stress and anxiety. 

Techniques that combat anxiety and stress include:

• Meditation
• Journaling
• Exercising
• Maintaining a balanced diet
• Taking time off

Seek professional help

After a period of adopting these practices, you will gradually start to notice the changes in your behavior. 

However, there is a quicker and more effective way to overcome your fear of success.

Marisa Peer has curated the perfect self-hypnosis audio programs to strengthen your willpower, stop procrastination, and overcome anxiety. 

The audios are designed to reprogram our conscious and subconscious minds—this is where the root of most of our beliefs, fears, and phobias reside. Marisa’s hypnosis audios can positively change our lives by working on our lack of motivation and determination. 

By listening to Marisa Peer’s hypnosis audios, you can learn to understand the origins of the fear, discover techniques to combat low self-esteem, stress, and anxiety, and eradicate self-sabotaging behaviors for good. 

You will begin to feel confident in your achievements and even put an end to your imposter syndrome.
Through Marisa’s All Access Pass, you can finally overcome your paralyzing fear of success and regain the confidence you were born with.

Fear of abandonment is usually responsible for unhealthy, unstable, or detached relationships.

This article will help you understand the fear and how to deal with it—in you or your loved ones. You will learn:

• What the fear of abandonment is.
• Why do we fear abandonment?
• The main signs of abandonment issues and how they affect your life.
• How to overcome the fear of abandonment.
• How to help someone with fear of abandonment.

What Is the Fear of Abandonment?

Every relationship needs a balance between boundaries and closeness. Someone who fears abandonment has difficulties tolerating healthy boundaries with the ones they love.  They always feel insecure. Being abandoned is a constant threat in their minds.

If you have a fear of abandonment, you likely:

• Experience an overwhelming worry that you will be left alone.
• Are constantly insecure in your relationships.
• Have intrusive thoughts about being rejected.
• Seek reassurance incessantly, causing distress to yourself and your loved ones.
• Never feel truly comforted and at ease with your partner, friends, or family members.

In summary, the fear of abandonment is an engulfing concern that the ones you love will leave you. In effect, both you and your loved ones feel dissatisfied and stressed. It is a very unhealthy basis for any kind of relationship.

Luckily, you don’t need to spend your life crushed by abandonment anxiety. Marisa Peer, a world-renowned speaker, therapist, and best-selling author, has spent over three decades helping people like yourself.

You, too, can benefit from her experience and unique techniques for overcoming this fear of abandonment. This article will show you how. But first, let’s get to know the enemy within and how it came to be.

Why Do We Have a Fear of Abandonment?

Fear of abandonment usually came to be as a result of childhood abandonment—whether that be physical or emotional.

Sometimes, adults keep reliving the trauma of being abandoned as a child. For one reason or another, their caregiver left. They might have passed away, left to work in another city or country for a long time, or were inconsistently present in the child’s life. The stress of separation causes psychological scarring that then repeats itself in every significant adult relationship.

In other instances, the parent was there. However, they were emotionally cold and distant. As a child, you might have tried to please them in different ways to win their affection. Nonetheless, you never experienced the unconditional love we all need and deserve.

Any of these forms of childhood rejection would have the same result: they made a mark. Abandonment was ingrained into your deepest beliefs about life and others and became a part of your subconsciousness.

Such childhood trauma means you expect to be hurt. As a result, you now need the physical presence of the person you love and their constant reassurance to feel loved and safe.

The Main Signs of Abandonment Issues

It’s perfectly normal to want to feel secure with someone you love. We enter relationships with an innate desire to feel safe and loved.

Fear of abandonment is, however, another kind of feeling. It tends to overtake the relationship and outweigh the positives.

It can even be intensive enough to be classified as a disorder. To meet the criteria, your fear needs to last longer than six months. If it is also recurrent, disproportionate, and debilitating, it can be diagnosed as separation anxiety. In fact, it’s quite a prevalent issue.

Even if your fear is not this severe, living with such insecurity can have a significant negative impact. So, what are the main signs of abandonment issues?

• It’s usually activated by meeting the right person—someone who triggers your insecurities and lack of confidence.
• Alternatively, abandonment issues may have surfaced when you became a parent.
• Any situation that could take your loved ones from you causes a flood of anxiety in you.
• You tend to imagine the worst-case scenario—for example, your loved ones being in a horrible accident, your spouse falling in love with someone else, your children leaving you as soon as they get old enough to do so.
• Whenever you are not by your loved one’s side, you become obsessed with checking on them.
• You are convinced you are not lovable and feel like a failure.
• You tend to fall prey to exploitative and abusive people who take advantage of your low self-esteem in relationships.
• Research shows you may experience emotional disturbances, such as anxiety or depression.
• According to some studies, abandonment issues predispose you to a codependent relationship, where partners pathologically need each other.
• Some people with a fear of abandonment end up avoiding love altogether—the rationale being if you don’t love, you won’t be hurt or abandoned.

How fear of abandonment affects your life

Fear of abandonment can manifest itself in many forms. What ties them all together is the powerful subconscious belief that others are a source of pain. You expect them to leave and hurt you. 

For example, if your partner is out with their friends or working long hours, you are sure they are cheating. You might be raising your toddler, all the while imagining how they will turn their back on you when they grow up.

In essence, you are living your life convinced that you are loathsome. Such a belief perseveres even when you can see that your friends, family, and partner adore you. You have a sort of imposter syndrome in your relationships. Your mind finds explanations that fit the overwhelming idea about your unlovability. As Marisa Peer put it, while explaining the rules of the mind:

“Your every thought and word form a blueprint that your mind and body work to make your reality.”

When you fear abandonment, this rule means that you will make sure you are abandoned—subconsciously. You will pick the wrong partners. You will act in a way that predisposes you to what you fear the most.

Fortunately, you are not condemned to live like that. You can turn things around. Let us see how you can overcome the fear of abandonment. 

How To Overcome Fear of Abandonment

If we want to learn how to overcome the fear of abandonment, we should ask, “How is it maintained?”

Marisa Peer has, time and time again, observed in her clients that trying to avoid rejection only makes the fear stronger. Whether you get emotionally clingy or avoid getting too close to people to prevent getting hurt, you are only giving more power to your fears. In this video, Marisa explains how we find ways to accommodate our fears by avoiding doing certain things—and how to stop doing so.

The most effective and fastest way to overcome the fear of abandonment is by working to uncover the root cause hidden in your mind. 

Traditional cognitive behavioral therapies can provide some relief, but as they don’t get to the root of the problem, they often struggle to help clients overcome the fear. Instead, or in addition to such a treatment, you should consider other ways to tackle abandonment issues. Here are a few possible routes to take.

Change the way you see and treat yourself

Many individuals who have a fear of abandonment end up pleasing others at their own expense. Although being generous is admirable, bending over backwards for someone at your own expense can be harmful to you.

Start being kind to yourself before you are kind to others. Self-love is a prerequisite for giving to others.

Marisa Peer developed a fantastic program called I Am Enough. It’s a comprehensive, seven-day program to help you direct your mind to your strengths and abilities. You will learn to dismiss fear, self-loathing, and insecurity.

By repeating, “I am enough,” to yourself regularly, you are implanting a new, empowering belief in your mind. Once you start seeing that you are enough, you will not need others’ reassurance. You will begin to let go of your fear of abandonment. 

Change the way you see relationships

People with abandonment issues almost always have a dysfunctional, disorganized attachment style. It means that they lack a consistent and rational approach to a relationship.

In other words, you crave love and feelings of belonging. At the same time, you also fear closeness because you are afraid of getting hurt. As a result, you may be pushing away the person you love while also wanting their love and comfort. It is a confusing experience for both you and your loved ones.

If you have had enough relationships that follow this pattern, Marisa Peer’s Dating and Relationships hypnosis audio bundle can help you. With it, you can begin to change the way you see relationships and break the cycle of going from one dysfunctional relationship to another.

Seek help from an expert

Since fear of abandonment stems from your childhood, you may have internalized the fear of rejection in your subconscious. As such, it may be difficult to tackle on your own. A professional therapist may be able to help you. 

Marisa Peer is the founder of the Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®) method, which she developed over her 30-plus-year career as a therapist.

You can book a call with one of her trained RTT® specialist therapists who will help you identify and address your childhood trauma. They will work with you to support you in becoming more in tune with your feelings and expressing your emotions with greater clarity. This allows you to be more vulnerable with your loved ones and develop deeper, more meaningful relationships. 

How To Help Someone With Fear of Abandonment

Loving someone who is clingy, insecure, or pushes you away is undoubtedly confusing and sometimes painful. First, know that the problem is not in you. As you learned in this article, childhood experiences have made them act and feel the way they do.

To help them feel more secure:

• Know that if you want to help your relationship grow, you need patience and understanding.
• Reassure them that you will not leave.
• Understand their unique experience with anxiety.
• Be mindful of how you communicate.
• Suggest that they reach out to a professional, such as an RTT® therapist.

It is a difficult position to be in, but you can help them take the steps to feel safe to love and be loved.

Conclusion

Have you borne the burden of abandonment issues for long enough? Are you prepared to let go of your insecurities and embrace the new, lovable you? 

Don’t wait for another day to pass under the control of your fear of abandonment. Marisa Peer has got plenty of resources ready for you to liberate yourself starting right now. Overcome your phobias and live the life of freedom you deserve.

However, for some people, just the notion of developing feelings or being tied to another person is scary and unsettling. This fear might hinder some from experiencing one of life’s greatest gifts and human’s basic needs; human connection and intimacy.

The good news is that you can overcome this stumbling block with the right tools and learn how to welcome love into your life.

In this article, you will learn more about:

• What philophobia is
• How you know if you are scared of love
• What causes a fear of love
• How to overcome the fear of love
• Addressing the root cause of your fear

Let’s get started by finding out exactly what Philophobia is.

What Is Philophobia?

In psychology, the fear of love is referred to as philophobia.

The word philophobia has Greek origins, and it is made up of two parts, “Philo,” which means love, and “phobia,” which means fear.

You might be familiar with the word phobia as it is commonly used to describe an extreme, unjustifiable fear.

People who have philophobia are scared of getting involved in romantic relationships and emotionally connecting to a significant other.

Philophobia also shares some similarities with other phobias, such as pistanthrophobia. However, the critical difference between them is that pistanthrophobia is not exclusive to just romantic relationships. It also extends to a fear of making emotional connections with people in general.

How Do You Know If You Are Scared Of Love?

At some point in your dating life, you’ve probably experienced a relationship (or two) that just wasn’t working out for you. It might have got to a point where you felt suffocated and in need of an escape. 

Sound familiar?

It’s normal to feel the urge to exit a relationship that is not right for you. However, if you experience these feelings quite often, then you might want to reflect back and investigate a little more.

Below, we’ve listed some behavioral and physical signs and symptoms that you might experience if you are suffering from a “fear of love.”

Read each carefully and see what sounds true to you. Try to be honest with yourself. That’s the best way to know where you stand.

Behavioral signs of fear of love

1. You avoid relationships altogether: You run away from any sign of potential romance, feeling that you will be trapped.
2. You unconsciously self-sabotage: When you are in a relationship, you behave in a way that can lead to ending the relationship—like being overly jealous or too possessive.
3. You’re not able to let go of the past: You just can’t seem to move on from past failed relationships, and you keep thinking about it.
4. You’re not able to open up: Fearing heartbreak, you might be emotionally closed off with your partner, keeping them distant and eventually driving them away.
5. You find it difficult to trust your partner: You keep thinking that your partner will cheat on you or abandon you.
6. You only enjoy the physical part of a relationship: You enjoy having sex with your partner, but you dread the mental and emotional connection.

Physical symptoms of a fear of love

In addition to the behavioral signs, there are also some physical symptoms that you may experience.

• Upset stomach
• Shortness of breath
• Nausea
• Dizziness
• Lightheadedness
• Sweating
• Increased heart rate

These symptoms may be triggered simply when “love and relationships” are brought up in a conversation. On the other end of the spectrum, they can also be triggered when you are approached by a potential partner attempting to get closer to you.

Triggers can vary from one person to another, depending on the intensity of their phobia.

What Causes A Fear Of Love

Love is beautiful, fulfilling, and divine.

So, why would you fear love?

Why would you be scared of relationships?

The fact is that it is not “love” that we are scared of, but the potential of hurt, rejection, or betrayal that could happen.

In many cases, people who are scared to love have passed through a hurtful love relationship that possibly left them emotionally traumatized.

Past experiences shape your perception of love

After an unhealthy relationship experience, your mind could register “love” as dangerous and hurtful and create fear around it. It does this in order to protect you from getting hurt again. As a consequence, you’ll find it difficult to trust another partner and feel scared to love.

According to Marisa Peer, world-renowned speaker, and therapist, nobody is born with fears and phobias; we acquire them from traumatic experiences throughout our lives. 

These experiences may be related to a past relationship or the ideas you built around “love” as a child. That is because our interactions and experiences as children shape our perception of the world and how we define concepts such as “love.”

Examples of how past experiences can shape your beliefs of love:

If a partner cheated on you in the past, you might conclude that “all men are cheaters.” Over time this idea can turn into a belief. Consequently, such beliefs can cause extreme fears, including a fear of love to protect you from the possible pain in the future.

Another example would be if you grew up witnessing your parents fighting all the time, you begin to form the idea that “relationships are painful.” As a consequence, you grow up believing that relationships lead to fights and can be destructive.

As you can see from both examples, the cause of a fear of love boils down to a disempowering belief you form about love in the past.

Your beliefs can be: explicit—on the surface of your mind where you are fully conscious of them, or implicit—buried deep in your subconscious mind where you are unaware of them.

In both cases, your beliefs influence the quality of your life, no matter where they lay. There is one primary belief that Marisa Peer believes stands in the face of most, if not all, our limitations.

The Root Cause

From her experience helping thousands of clients tackle their deepest fears and phobias, Marisa concluded that the root cause of most of our issues, fears, and phobias is the belief that we are “not enough.”

When you feel like you’re not smart enough, that can lead to self-doubt and lack of confidence. When you feel like you are not strong enough, you can neglect your health and physical well-being. Just like that, not feeling like you are “enough” for love can make you miss out on experiencing a fulfilling relationship.

By now, you should have a good understanding of what a fear of love looks like and how it can form.

If you relate to examples above, you are probably wondering, “How can I overcome my fear of love?”

Marisa Peer’s 3 Steps To Overcoming The Fear To Love

Your fear of love might have formed because of a past relationship experience, and today you are struggling to trust somebody again. Or maybe you have felt alone and fearful of connections for as long as you remember.

Whatever caused your fear of love, the good news is, you have the power to change it.

All you need to do is to love yourself, understand your patterns, and make the unfamiliar familiar.

Love yourself first

According to Marisa, before you look to be loved by a special someone, you need to learn to love yourself first.

When you don’t love yourself, you will start looking externally for someone or something to fill that void inside. In doing so, you give the other person the ability to take that love away from you anytime. Therefore, if your “love” relationship ends for any reason, you may end up feeling hurt, and even worse, left with a feeling of emptiness. 

Of course, it is normal to feel sad about a broken relationship and losing your partner. However, if you love yourself intrinsically and feel complete—on your own—before entering the relationship, chances are you will recover faster and without a scar. 

What does it mean to “love yourself,” and how can I do it?

To love yourself means to accept yourself fully as you are, the great, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is all this that makes you who you are. 

You do this by respecting yourself, valuing yourself, being kind and compassionate to yourself.

One way to practice self-love is to think of all the things you want to hear from your significant other and say them to yourself.

You can continuously and frequently tell yourself: “I’m lovable,” “I’m adorable,” “I’m funny,” “I’m amazing,” “I’m kind and warm,” “I’ve got a big heart.” With repetition, these words will eventually fill you up and nurture you.

Remember, loving yourself gives you the strength, resilience, and completeness that you seek in life. It comes from you, and you alone.

Knowing that you are complete on your own will also help you have a healthy and happy relationship.

Understand your patterns

Reflect on your past:

How do you usually behave in a relationship?

Are you always doubting your partner’s loyalty?

Or maybe you constantly keep your partner at a distance?

Try to look for a pattern that you have in your relationships. It could be actions that you keep repeating or events that keep recurring around you.

You might detect a certain behavior that is unintentionally sabotaging your relationships.

For example,

• Are you frequently doubting the loyalty of your partner?
• Accuse them of cheating without having any tangible evidence?
• Do you keep comparing your current relationship with your past relationship looking for signs that this one too is not going to work?
• Do you avoid opening up to your partner or sharing your true thoughts and feelings with them?

Once you understand how your fear of love is causing you to self-sabotage your relationships, you can address these destructive patterns. One way to do that is by talking to your partner about your problem and concerns and finding a possible solution together.

Your partner can help by affirming their intention to help you overcome this obstacle. Knowing that they are aware of the problem and willing to help you can be comforting. Also, your partner can help by pointing out when you practice self-sabotaging behavior for you to avoid repeating it.

Make the unfamiliar familiar

From her 30 years of experience as a therapist, Marisa compiled the rules of the mind, a list of principles that our minds work by. She believes that to change your life; you need first to understand how your mind works.

One principle that we would like to bring up here goes as follows:

“Make the familiar unfamiliar, and the unfamiliar familiar.”—Marisa Peer

Neuroscientists found that 90 to 95% of the time we are not conscious of our behavior. This means that we are not really aware of what we are doing most of the time. Instead, we are subconsciously repeating familiar actions and behaviors.

Just like when you wake up and go about your daily routine of washing your face and brushing your teeth without thinking about it, we also behave the same way in our relationships.

Unfortunately, this fact also includes repeating familiar behaviors, even the ones that are counterproductive.

How to Tackle Destructive Behaviour

To tackle destructive behavioral patterns, Marisa advises to check in with yourself and see what is familiar to you around the topic of love.

To do this, try to write down a list of the feelings, beliefs, and ideas you have around love. 

If you listed things such as feeling inadequate, feeling not worthy of love, feeling fearful, you have to work on making those unfamiliar.

Instead, choose what ideas you want to adopt and work on making them familiar.

To do so, say empowering statements to yourself as frequently as you can during the day and act upon them until they become familiar. For example, you can repeat “I am worthy of love” and “I am a caring partner.”

“The words you hear shape you, but the most important words you hear in your entire life are the words you say to yourself.”—Marisa Peer

Address The Root Cause Of Your Fear Of Love

The 21-Day Relationship Challenge

Why do you think you have a fear of love?

Is it because it is so unfamiliar, you can’t imagine creating such an intimate connection with someone else?

Can’t bear the thought of opening yourself up in such a vulnerable way?

Or perhaps you aren’t afraid of love itself, but what can happen if it goes sour?

Marisa Peer has designed her 21-Day Meaningful Relationship Challenge for all of those that need some support when it comes to connecting with others on a romantic level. Through regular trainings, audios and meditations, you will learn to understand what the root cause of your fear of love is, and begin to lay the foundation of your journey to overcoming them. You will learn to open yourself to the possibility of love and cultivate meaningful and rewarding relationships, fearlessly. Click the banner below to read more about the challenge and grab your spot today.

Avoiding rejection, however, does come at a great cost. It can limit you from reaching your goals in many areas of life. Think about it – you could have written a book, but you didn’t because you fear people will not buy your book. You could have landed a business deal, but it failed because you are too nervous and thought, “What if they do not like me or my ideas?”

In her 30 years of experience working with clients all over the world, time and again, Marisa has been observing how avoiding rejection is only making the fear stronger. According to Marisa, the most effective and fastest way to overcome the fear of rejection is by working with the root cause that is hidden in your mind. 

In this article, you will learn:

• What fear of rejection is
• How it can affect your life
• Why are we afraid of rejection
• How to use the power of the mind to overcome the fear of rejection

Let’s get started by discussing exactly what a fear of rejection is.

What Is Fear Of Rejection?

The fear of rejection name is Anthropophobia. It is being afraid of unacceptance by the people around you. It could be you are scared of people not accepting your appearance, behaviors, the way you speak, or even your presence. 

In real-life, being scared of rejection could look like this:

‘I am going to talk to my manager today and see if she is willing to raise my salary. Oh, but James has better results than me. What if my manager does not think I deserve the raise? What if I cannot convince her? I should just keep this to myself…’

There are many other ways this fear can show up in your life. 

Some of the common signs and symptoms of being scared of rejection are:

• Difficulty saying ‘no’ 
• Taking on too many tasks
• Refusing to ask for what you want and need
• Procrastinating or working inefficiently on projects
• Being overly sensitive to criticism
• Difficulty making new friends unless you are sure they will like you
• Being reluctant to commit to and make a relationship work
• Working too hard to please others
• Blaming yourself when things don’t work out
• Staying in an unhealthy relationship
• Hiding your true self from others

How Can Fear Of Rejection Affect Your Life?

This fear could negatively affect various facets of our lives, including our careers, relationships, and self-confidence. 

Career:

• In business dealings. Instead of negotiating with a big client who is willing to pay more for your services, you lowered the fee and earned less than you deserve.
• In performance reviews. Instead of supporting your request for salary increments with performance data and asking to speak to the management, you decided to leave it up to their judgment. Therefore, you did not receive the appropriate bonuses and increments.

Relationships:

• In love and relationships, you do not speak up when your spouse tells you to do things against your will. As a consequence, your emotional needs do not get fulfilled and with time both of you may become distant.
• In friendship, you choose to adapt your communication style and behavior to blend within a group of friends and be accepted. Over time, you may feel like you are betraying yourself as you are not living by your true values. 

Self-confidence:

• When people criticize the way you look or talk, you feel inadequate or like a failure. As a result, you can have low self-esteem.
• You procrastinate taking action towards your dreams because you are afraid that people might reject your ideas. You think it is better to stay where you are because it is ‘safer.’

Why do Humans Fear Rejection?

Have you ever wondered where fear of rejection comes from, and why is it so strong? 

It turns out that this fear is deeply ingrained in our minds because, evolutionarily speaking, it used to help us survive. 

An evolutionary survival mechanism

Our need to belong and be accepted is rooted in human evolution. Thousands of years ago, it took an entire village to work together in order to survive in harsh conditions. Humans needed to be a part of a tribe to survive. If a person was socially rejected or kicked out of the village, they would die alone in the wild.

Although we do not live in dangerous environments anymore, our minds still associate rejection with death.

The reality is, rejection will not cause us death in this time and age. However, it still can bring forward feelings associated with the fear of dying. 

According to the way the mind works, what we say and imagine in our minds influences how we feel. Whenever rejection happens, the mind instantly thinks, ‘I am going to die of shame if they reject me’ or create images of you dying in shame. This is one of the main reasons why the possibility of being rejected can stir various negative emotions and prevent you from acting on your goals.

We are built to avoid pain

If you have touched a boiling kettle by accident before, you will most likely never repeat the same mistake again. From a young age, we learn to avoid pain to survive. For every painful experience, our mind remembers the pain and fires alarms whenever we face a similar situation. It will tell you ‘Do not touch that boiling kettle’ when you see one again. 

Similar to avoiding physical pain, humans would take any necessary measures to avoid the emotional pain associated with being rejected. In fact, a study by Naomi Eisenberger, a social psychologist, showed that rejection triggers the same brain regions that physical pain does. This means we avoid rejection just as we would avoid touching a boiling kettle.

Even though rejection causes us pain and discomfort, it does not harm us physically. It is a temporary emotion that comes and goes. If you choose to take action in spite of the fear, it will shrink in size, and you will become less afraid of rejection over time. 

We tend to be risk-averse

Imagine this scenario: a friend offers to flip a coin and give you $20 if it lands on tails. If it lands on heads, you give them $20. Would you take that risk?

You would probably consider taking the risk if you were sure you would win. This tendency reflects risk aversion — reluctance to take risks unless the payoff is certain. 

In the context of potentially experiencing fear of rejection, we are reluctant to risk our ‘lives’ being rejected by others because we are unsure of what people think of us. If we are sure we will not get rejected, most likely we would be brave enough to take action. 

You see, life is unpredictable and risks are bound to appear in every decision. It may feel scary to risk yourself being rejected, but taking risks is part of the journey towards success. If you are not willing to take risks, you cannot get anywhere. 

How To Overcome Fear Of Rejection Forever

Many people struggle with overcoming rejection because their subconscious minds and conscious minds are playing a constant tug of war. The conscious mind is fully aware that we want to conquer this fear and take action towards our dreams. The subconscious mind, however, does not know what we want. Its primary job is to keep us away from danger, including rejection.

Unfortunately, the subconscious mind wins the tug of war most of the time because it controls 95% of our thoughts and actions. When the time we need to act comes, the subconscious mind takes over with thoughts such as, ‘Hey, you might get rejected. If you do, it is going to hurt you and kill you. Let’s go back to our comfort zone.’ 

During the three decades as a therapist, Marisa Peer has helped thousands of people overcome their fear of rejection and get free from other limitations that were holding them back. According to Marisa, you are able to train your own mind to overcome the fear of rejection and you also can choose to use a therapeutic technique known for helping people with similar issues. 

3 ways to deal with the fear of rejection on your own

It is possible to learn how to handle rejection by taking the time to reflect on your experiences, think about how you approach them, and work out what you can take away from each experience to help you when facing future problematic situations. So read on to find out the 3 ways you can learn how to get over rejection.

1. Reframe rejection as opportunities

For every rejection you experience, there is a redirection to a different opportunity yet unknown to you. Whether you are rejected by an interviewer or a love interest, a new door is opened for you at the same time, leading you towards other opportunities.

Whenever you face rejection, remind yourself, ‘I am not rejected, I am redirected to something greater.’

2. Talk to yourself like a dear friend

Do not beat yourself up when things do not work out as you have planned. Treat yourself kinder and shower yourself with praises as if you are cheering a dear friend. 

Rather than allowing negative self-talk to happen, talk to yourself using more compassionate, affirming messages such as, ‘I have what I need to get through this,’ or ‘I am stronger than I think.’

3. Refuse to let rejection define you

Being rejected does not mean you are a failure. If one company turns you down, do not think that you are incompetent. If one person rejects you, do not think that you are unlovable.  

Other people’s opinions and incidents do not define you. The only person who can define you is you alone. An effective way to do this is to praise yourself daily and boost your self-esteem. The higher self-esteem you have, the more resilience you will develop against rejection.

The most effective way to overcome fear of rejection forever

The most effective way to overcoming rejection once and for all is to reprogram the subconscious mind to work with you and not against you using Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®), a complete solution-based approach created by celebrity therapist Marisa Peer over 30 years of working with people all over the world.

Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®) combines the most powerful aspects of hypnosis, psychotherapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and more to help release your fears. It helps you go deep into your subconscious mind, access the root causes of issues you have been struggling with, and change the stories, words, and pictures in your mind.

RTT® can help you to overcome a fear of rejection in 3 simple steps:

1. Hypnosis is used to help you get into a trance-like state and guide you to explore where the fear of rejection comes from.
2. Rewriting pictures and words your mind associates with rejection with empowering ones.
3. Making the new pictures and words familiar to your mind by repeating them to yourself every day and taking action. As a result, you will perceive things differently in your everyday life. 

With the guidance of a certified RTT® therapist, you can replace negative pictures and words associated with rejection with the ones that bring positive emotions such as happiness and fulfillment related to achieving your goals. 

This way, your subconscious mind will start associating rejection with safety and pleasure, and eventually, you will not be scared of rejection. 

What is RTT®?

RTT® is a revolutionary therapy method from world-renowned therapist Marisa Peer, who combines over 30 years of experience with the very best elements of today’s modern approaches to therapy, such as NLP, CBT and Hypnotherapy, to produce a focused method that can produce results a faster than you would expect.

How to get in Contact with an RTT® Therapist

Are you interested in receiving RTT® therapy? Do you think therapy is the best choice for you in helping you to overcome your blocks when it comes to self-esteem? Getting in touch with an RTT® therapist is easy. Simply click here to start your journey.

A Take-Home Message

According to Marisa, “The mind has the most powerful healing potential on the planet.” It can help you live a fulfilled and successful life, and it can also hold you back in many ways. It all depends on the words you say and the pictures you imagine in your mind. 

Once you know how the mind works, it is easy for you to tap into its power and make it work with you and not against you. 

You can learn how to overcome feeling rejected by changing the words and pictures in your mind and relating the fear to pleasure. 

Rejection-proof yourself and unlock your inner confidence with a pre-recorded hypnotic audio bundle. These audio tracks will help you reprogram your mind, regain your natural confidence, and rebuild your self-esteem. 

If your fear of rejection stems from low-self esteem, you will benefit from Marisa Peer’s I Am Enough Masterclass, which can help you get to the root of that experience, let go of the negative emotions, and rewrite them with empowering ones.

You can improve your psychological and emotional well-being by developing better self-acceptance. All you need to make some mental shifts that open up your mind to accept yourself more. Sign up for the FREE I Am Enough Masterclass by clicking the banner below.

We hope this article has helped you learn how to handle rejection, and provided you with methods you can use to face tricky situations with a renewed confidence in the future. If you would like more from Marisa Peer, remember to subscribe to her regular newsletter by entering your email in the box at the bottom of this page.

How the Mind Works

I have found that RTT can help my clients overcome their fears and phobias.

I created Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) based on how the mind works. I teach that there are three things you need to know about your mind in order to run your mind rather than have your mind run you.

The words you say and pictures you imagine influence how you feel

When it comes to overcoming fears and phobias, one of the fascinating rules of the mind is that the way you feel is in direct response to the pictures you imagine in your head and the words you say.

How does this work in reality?

To give you an example, I was recently in Venice, finding out more about the Venice Heritage Museum, when we had flies in our house, which was really horrible, but I also found a trapped butterfly. I immediately put a little carrier bag over this butterfly, opened the door, and let it fly away. Because the butterfly was so pretty I could hold it, but if a fly landed I thought yuck, no.

You might not like a fly or moth landing on your shoulder, but for the butterfly, I said: “Oh look at that, isn’t that lovely.” It is a similar thing happening with phobias. The pictures you make in your head and the words you say influence how you feel about something.

Your mind likes what is familiar and dislikes what is unfamiliar

Another rule of the mind that links into phobias is that your mind likes what is familiar and dislikes what is unfamiliar. To demonstrate this, it’s best to give you a story.

A client came to me with a phobia of cats. She said “I’m absolutely terrified of cats. I’m supposed to go to Morocco, but I’ve heard there’s all kinds of cats in the street and I can’t go. When I go to someone’s house, I even have to check first if they have a cat, because this phobia is affecting my life.”

So when I invited the client to come in, I told her that I had a cat, but not to worry. I assured her that by the time we had finished the session, she would have that cat in her arms like a baby. Of course, she didn’t believe me!

During our Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) session, we regressed to a scene where her father was really scared of cats. When she was a small baby, a cat had jumped into the stroller, the pram that she was in, and he screamed “Oh my God, that cat’s going to kill you.” He ran over, shooed the cat away and picked her up, very distressed and scared.

What is an imprint and how does it impact us?

When you are a small child, if something traumatic happens or you have a very upset adult or screaming and crying going on, the child forms an imprint. The client’s first imprint was: Cats are really scary and they kill children.

Some years later she was in the garden and there was a cat there. She wanted to look at the cat, but her father shouted, “Don’t touch it. They scratch you and they carry disease. If they scratch you might get septicemia and that can kill you.” So the reinforcing message she took from that was that cats can kill you.

It’s actually very unlikely a cat could kill you. However, this client formed a full-blown phobia, reinforced by the fact that every time the father saw a cat he got really upset, screaming and shouting that they are dirty, they scratch and bite. So after we had a look at this, she could understand where her phobia came from. I worked with her so that she was able to let it go, to realize that it was no longer relevant to her life, that it was her father’s fear not hers, and that she had the power and choice to change her mind.

After the session, downstairs we went, and indeed she had my cat in her arms like a baby. I happened to have a cat who loved being held. Off she went to Morocco, her whole life was changed because she got over the fear of cats.

Causes of Fears and Phobias

It doesn’t matter what your phobia is, no one is born with a phobia.

You were not born with phobias, no baby thinks that the cat is going to bite them. In fact, if you leave a baby alone, it will stick its hand in a dog’s mouth and pull a dog’s ear. It might put a cockroach straight in its mouth, or eat worms. Babies might even stick their fingers in an electric socket because they don’t have any such fears or phobias.

Babies are only born with two fears: the fear of being dropped and the fear of loud noises. It’s a primitive reaction. Babies don’t have all the other fears we learn as we grow up. Babies don’t have fear of someone knocking at the door late at night. No baby on a plane thinks it’s going to crash. They don’t think “Oh no if I have any more milk I’m going to get super fat!”

The good news for anyone with a phobia is that it is acquired and can be released 

All of our fears really go back to the idea that it will kill me, but generally, these things won’t kill you. It’s a state of mind. You have to choose to believe you are safe. If you believe you are safe you will feel better than someone who believes that they are not safe. So do anything you can to believe you’re safe. Rationalize why you’re not safe or talk yourself out of it. Use your mind. You have a brilliant mind and you always have a choice.

Overcoming Fear or Phobia Forever

So if you have a phobia or indeed you are a therapist working with someone who has a phobia, here’s the method for overcoming fear or phobia permanently.

We acquire phobias and therefore can release phobias, by doing what RTT does:

1. First of all, go back and have a look at where the phobia came from.
2. Secondly, change the pictures in your mind and change the words you say about it.
3. Thirdly, start to make a new belief familiar. The more you do it and realize that nothing bad happens, the more familiar you can make it in your mind.

Where did the fear or phobia come from?

No one is born with fears. Babies aren’t scared of the dark or dentists. Ask yourself, if I wasn’t born with this phobia, where could I have got it? You may find that you remember. You may ask your parents how old was I when I got this fear, what was going on? Or you can indeed talk to one of our wonderful graduates who will help you. Even if you don’t know, even if you can’t do the first bit, or feel like you’ve had it all your life, that’s okay. You can still change it anytime you want with RTT.

What are the words you use around the phobia?

If you have a fear or phobia, look at the words you say about it. I had this lovely guy who had cancer but could not go in the scanner. He said “Every time I go in it, I feel like I’m in my coffin and I’m going to die. I have to press the button and come out because I’m so claustrophobic, I can’t do it.” The hospital said that he had to go in the scanner, to see if his cancer treatment was working. He said “I can’t. I’ve tried, but the minute that drawer goes in I tell myself I’m in my coffin, it’s like a premonition, I’m going to die of cancer and I have to get out.” You see what he was doing with the pictures and words he was using, saying “I can’t” and linking it to dying.

I gave him a really easy simple solution. I told him “You are going to get in that scanner and go wow, how lovely, I’ve got 30 minutes to relax. Imagine you are in bed. Tell yourself I’m super chilled, this is so relaxing. I’m just going to lie here and do nothing, it is wonderful and I can easily do it. I am choosing to lie in this scanner and tell my brain this is just like being in bed. When I’m in my bed at home I lie still, I relax, stress drains away.”

When he went into a hospital and did it, the whole medical team gave him a standing ovation, because he’d never been able to do it before. He said that meant more to him than all of his businesses.

You cannot control the external world, but you can control your thoughts

You can’t control the weather, you can’t control the traffic. You may not be able to directly control your body because if you did you’d never get a cold or a headache. However, you can control your thoughts. If you take control of your thoughts you will never fear being out of control, because the only thing you ever can control is your thoughts.

The role of control is that the only thing you can control is your thoughts. Your thoughts control your feelings; your feelings control your actions; your actions control your events.

When you take control of your thoughts, it changes your entire life. When you make your thoughts positive it makes your life positive. What’s so amazing is that it starts out as what you do, but then becomes who you are.

Transform phobias fast

If you are a therapist or you want to be an RTT therapist, we have the tools and techniques that can help transform phobias fast.

Many of our RTT therapists specialize in phobias as RTT makes such a difference to people’s lives. I’ve done this with children of five who are phobic about spiders, bees or moths and made them see the moth or bee or spider as beautiful.

When you learn how to overcome fear or phobia, look at where this could have come from. Look at the language you use and the pictures you imagine. Then choose to dramatically change the words and pictures and make it familiar. Wire it in by repeating your new beliefs as many times as you can in as many different ways as you can. The more you repeat something, the stronger and more real it becomes.

When you do this, you will see that you have immense power for overcoming fear or phobia.